Some of the beta couples testing out the WeConcile Program are almost finished. Here is feedback from the male half of a couple who just finished level 21: needs. Of course the names have been changed to protect confidentiality.
Susan and I are doing very well together and seem to be in a place where we are connecting better and able to relate to each other will far less conflict.
How are you changing in your relationship?
I am doing more processing before speaking. Assessing what is “within me” and what is “external to me” in causing me to react, respond, or analyzing how I am thinking and feeling.
How is your partner changing in your relationship?
Susan seems to be more comfortable and at ease in the relationship and even when conflict should be about to occur – she is de-escalating much more quickly than ever before.
How is your relationship changing?
Truly we are feeling more confident and more competent in the relationship. It is feeling more textured and more complete to me. We still are not always perfectly aligned on all aspects – but we no longer seem to struggle to find a way to discuss it nor does the difference lead to a fight. We are able to TALK without having it lead to conflict or hard feelings. In fact, we are starting to laugh about or not take personally how we each approach decisions, behave, or interact. Rather than taking offense or assuming that something is a personal affront purposely being lobbed at the other, we are able to ask questions, share perspectives, and not jump to conclusions.
This level was easy to follow and to implement. Given that it was similar to previous ones, we handled it fairly easily.
Feelings and thoughts:
My feelings and thoughts are that through this program, Susan and I have learned much and we have begun to apply it more naturally and do so automatically. It is not “forced” and we don’t have to think about it nearly as much.
It has become easier to have conversations that previously would have been avoided or would have led to confrontations. We are feeling freer to talk about things more openly and honestly (and for me, I have identified a new level of honesty…have started to experience things outside of just my “head”). We share things less defensively and are more receptive to hearing (I mean REALLY hearing) the other person’s experiences, points of view, or experiences. Rather than focusing on being right, we are willing to reach across the facts and connect on the non-logical.
Learned / Clarified:
It is becoming closer to second nature for us. The practice is helping integrate it into how we respond to the other. Not so much a “new” learning as it has reinforced what we are doing.
Likes / Dislikes:
I think above all, I like that we are doing it and succeeding. Not perfectly, and not each time. But we are doing it and seeing positive results. This level was one where I could really see the growth and the distance traveled since Susan and I started.