Communicate Better in a Relationship
Communication skills are crucial to a great marriage. You will learn how to communicate differently.
Not being able to communicate effectively with your spouse is both frustrating and painful. Often, we have not been taught effective communication skills growing up – because we learn by doing and watching. How did your parents communicate? How did they act when they were frustrated?
Communication problems also come up when our wounds get triggered. Whether only one person’s wounds are triggered, or both at the same time, it is very difficult to not only communicate, but reach towards our partner when we are upset. This is because communication is not just an intellectual skill. It is an emotional skill.
WeConcile teaches you how to communicate and has very specific exercises that start you learning the basic steps of communication before moving on to more difficult and vulnerable communication.
Here are a few communication tips:
Don’t communicate if you are seeing red or very upset. Tell your partner you need some time to regroup and you will talk to them when you are calmer.
Try to see things not just from your viewpoint, but also from your partner’s viewpoint. This often means that you will have to understand your partner’s emotional backstory that is fueling how they see the situation. And they will have to understand yours.
Remember that one of the reasons you are upset, is because you love each other and it hurts when your partner doesn’t understand you or your perspective.
Find ways to be positive instead of negative when communicating – and start with the positive when possible.
Remember that criticism destroys the communication process (and trust as well).
Always be willing to look at your part.
Find ways to take care of yourself if the communication gets too intense or uncomfortable.
Identify where your communication triggers are. For example, one person always gets mad when his partner uses the term always, when she communicates. She has had to learn now to not use that word, because it simply stops productive communication.
You can learn how to communicate with your spouse in productive and non-hurtful ways.
Here are some stories that depict couples changing how they communicate:
The Real Relationship: Working it Out
When we aren’t good at communicating or asking for what we need, we may use a survival strategy of just trying to get through our challenge without asking for help. You can learn more about that here: