How to Get Your Marriage Going Again
Understanding the science of love
It can be scary to not know how to move forward with what is probably your most important relationship. There is now a science of love with definite steps.
Sue Johnson is the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. Her work has enlightened the field of couples therapy. She learned about the importance of the underlying emotional need for connection (called attachment). Many other clinicians have built on her valuable work and are using it to enlarge our understanding of how to reconnect a couple. WeConcile uses her knowledge in its program.
Vulnerability and gratitude
Without vulnerability and gratitude, we don’t have much of a relationship? What is connection if it does not include gratitude for our partners and the ability to share our vulnerabilities and tend to our partner’s vulnerabilities?
Safety
It is important to realize that in order to be vulnerable, we have to feel safe in our relationships. And to be vulnerable takes courage. It is not easy to bear our hearts, especially when we do not know if our partners will be supportive.
Imagine a small child telling you they are sad. They need to be scooped up in your arms and told how much you love them, and they probably need help sorting through their feeling of sadness. Now imagine that child was told to “get over it.” Would they be able to continue to open their hearts vulnerably with trust? Probably not, because to do so is even more painful than baring their feelings on their own.
Sharing our vulnerable needs
It is much the same in a relationship. We have to be able to hold our partner’s vulnerability with love. And this cannot be done if do not know what their vulnerable feelings are, nor if we do not honor their vulnerable feelings. In many marriages that are struggling, vulnerable needs are not shared. This creates disconnection and loneliness.
If you and your partner are not able to share your vulnerable feelings with each other and support each other around them, you will need to learn how. WeConcile teaches you about attachment needs and fears – the gateway to accessing and sharing our vulnerable feelings. You will learn how to not only access and share, but also support your partner’s vulnerable feelings – and you will be looking at what blocks you from being able to do this.
Here is an article that looks at getting your love going again.